


Crossed Wires

by Zivitz



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28179375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zivitz/pseuds/Zivitz
Summary: What you love isn't always what you want.
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter
Kudos: 13





	Crossed Wires

**Author's Note:**

> This one was a struggle. For Abby, who likes to challenge me. Thanks to everyone who listened to me whine and have a fit over this.

She couldn’t believe Rachel had a baby. An honest-to-god little person she’d made herself. She’d been exhausted and a mess but happy when they’d left them at the hospital that first day, and subsequent visits at home just reinforced that innate glow she seemed to have despite confiding in Donna about her sore breasts and back and the awful after pains and the massacre-level crime scene in her hospital issued underwear.

Harvey was an addict, and that surprised her on some level. She didn’t think he would be quite so taken with the idea of a baby, but every time they went he had the biggest, silliest smile on his face and it made something in her twist uncomfortably. He was always pestering her to get her coat, sometimes even going without her. Rachel who said she was always glad of Uncle Harvey to the rescue- the man who didn’t own napkins had within a few weeks learned how to sterilize equipment, change diapers, and give baths. He belonged with a baby in his arms, the sight of him with their godson bringing a smile to her face despite her own mixed feelings. 

She knew they were headed toward a conversation she wasn’t sure she was going to enjoy, one that might cause a rift between them that time and love couldn’t fix. The comments from people had already started months ago, but with each week that passed since their first anniversary it seemed like more and more people were waiting for an announcement from them regarding an impending addition. Even Mike and Rachel were saying things, though from them it felt more like well-meaning excitement to share this journey they were on with their friends.

To be frank, the baby scared her a little. The tiny body, his small stretches and his cries, his jerky movements and the responsibility of a whole life made her glad it was Rachel and Mike who got to bask in the glory as well as shoulder the weight.

It wasn’t necessarily that she didn’t want one herself, it was more that she didn’t know what she wanted, or when she wanted it, which was a new feeling entirely.

She was doing the dishes, head full of warring thoughts, when Harvey came home that night.

“You’ll never guess what the baby did,” he said as leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. 

Her lips twisted despite themselves at his excitement, “What did the baby do?”

“He smiled at me!”

“He’s smiled at you before, Harvey,” she said, putting the last of the glasses in the strainer and drying her hands.

“But this was a real smile!”

“Ooooh, I see.” She didn’t really, but his joy was infectious and she didn’t want to bring him down.

When she turned to face him, though, he was frowning. “Is something wrong?”

Her heart started beating harder and before she could stop herself, the words were out.

“Do you want a baby, Harvey?”

He stared at her in disbelief. “I’m sorry, what?”

She sighed and leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. “Do you want a baby?”

Harvey just blinked slowly at her. “Do you want a baby?”

Donna rolled her eyes. “I asked you first.”

He thrust his hands in his pockets and looked around their kitchen, familiar after nearly a year in Seattle. “I don’t know, I guess. I haven’t really thought about it. Why do you-” he stopped short and looked her up and down. “Are you pregnant?”

She shook her head. “No.”

He breathed a sigh of what she hoped was relief, which was confirmed with a muttered “Oh, thank God.”

She took a deep breath and released it. Maybe this wasn’t going to be the conversation she thought it was.

“Hey,” he said, coming to lean next to her, an arm wrapping around her waist. “What’s all this about?”

“Just... I don’t know. We’ve been married a year now. People are asking questions, making comments. And you’re so good with the baby, so happy when you’re with him. I thought maybe,” she shrugged. “Maybe it was time to have this talk.”

“Okay, well, you’d be the one having the actual baby. What do you want?”

“I don’t know.”

Harvey raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know?”

She started to walk away, but he caught her hand and pulled her back into his embrace. Donna sighed. “No, Harvey, I don’t. The Great Donna Paulsen is confused and unsure, okay?”

“It’s okay, Donna, I don’t know either. I’m just surprised you don’t. You always know what you want.”

She pulled away again, and he let her. “Well, this time I don’t.”

He leaned his hands back against the counter and frowned. “This is starting to feel like an argument, but I’m pretty sure we’re on the same side.”

“Are we, though? Because you’re saying you don’t know, but Harvey I see you with that baby, I feel it when you’re with him. And I just don’t know if I’m ready to have that myself.” She wrapped her arms around her middle protectively.

“Donna, look at me,” he said, and she forced her eyes to meet his. “I’d never lie to you about something like this. I genuinely don’t know. Yes, I love that baby more than I ever thought I would. I love being around him, and his smell, and the way he latches onto my finger with his hands.” He crossed the kitchen, putting his hands around her waist. “But loving that baby doesn’t automatically translate into wanting one of my own. So what I really want to know is, how do you feel. Truly.”

She leaned forward and rested her head against his shoulder. “I’m scared.”

“Me, too.”

“Are you really, though?” she asked, turning her face toward his neck, her lips brushing the skin there and causing goosebumps to race across his flesh.

“Are you kidding?” He tugged her closer. “You know what kind of family I came from. I’m terrified.”

“So maybe... maybe we don’t have to?”

“No,” he said, beginning to rock them gently from side to side. “We don’t have to, not if we don’t want to.”

“And maybe we can, if we change our minds?”

Donna felt him smile into her hair. “We definitely can, if we change our minds.” 

She wrapped her arms around him placed kisses along his neck. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“I ask myself the same question about you every day,” he mumbled, and they slowly danced their way in circles across the kitchen.


End file.
